It’s insanity that I am actually doing this, but it feels right in a way: Episode 1 is in the can, ready to be uploaded. This one is a simple introduction with me babbling for a few minutes, but as that handsome film-quoting robot once said, “Big things have small beginnings.” I am holding off on publishing until I have five interviews locked, so a fair amount of content can be available at once for you all!
While I’ve been recording for a long time, my mind went blank for a moment, and I stared at that damn microphone for a while, working up the nerve to get this thing rolling. It was a great relief to overcome that poisonous feeling of fear. What are you afraid of? It’s just life, it’s just fun. It’s just your choice. Do what makes you happy. The hardest step is the first one. Let’s hope the momentum keeps growing!
Also, I’m trying to write as often as I can, trying to reflect and awaken that muscle memory of processing life as it happens. Soon enough I’ll be turning it into art. More art coming soon!
I’m mulling over the tracks to use for the theme of the show. I’ve been recording music since I was a kid, so I have a few recordings lying around that I could use. This one is quite old, but I like the noise it brings. There’s a few more, we’ll see what happens. Two days left to make up my damn mind. Step two.
In my haste to lay the groundwork for the podcast as the year comes to an end, I have been recording tests to see if it would be possible to do a video podcast version of Talking Text simultaneously. Video has been a big part of my life, and since I was an actor in college who craved the spotlight once upon a time, I figured, what the hell? I’ll try the full camera setup to see if there’s a bit of that yearning for that sweet limelight.
It felt awful. I’ve been out of the acting game far too long.
In many ways, most of that stage-domineering persona has atrophied. It’s still in there somewhere, but at this time, I guess there’s other areas I’m looking to beef up on. Focus on the voice, Jaime. That eagerness to get the ball rolling. The thing you really want to get to know about yourself: The jumpstart. Re-learn how to reach out to fellow creatives to spark story, discovery and possibility. The audio version of Talking Text will do that just fine.
I have always been much more comfortable behind the camera (or the pen), and since Talking Text is supposed to be a jolly old time I will keep it low-key for now, so NO concurrent video podcasts will be produced at this time. Sounds good to me! I know absolutely nobody cares about these dilemmas, and that’s cool, but I find that if I’m going to be honest with myself about my process, as well as being open about starting something from scratch and following through, it will be best if I jot down the journey for self-evaluation later. It’s all about getting better.
It was my goal this year to start a podcast for writers. It would be easy to say it hasn’t happened because of work, family, procrastination, etc. There’s no excuse. I am sorry to say it has not happened because of my inability to time manage. I acknowledge this and now that it’s out there I can remedy it by getting my ass in gear.
This is a great example of not following through with the things that you want to achieve. There’s a good chance I’m afraid of the whole endeavor. But I think about this podcast once a day, and it is constantly on my mind, so there is no lack of passion and excitement for the project. Just excuses.
Instead of thinking about it, writing about it, being afraid of it: I need to execute it. Enough is enough.
I will release the first episode before the year is out. From this moment, that is my goal to myself to make sure the podcast leaves 2017 on a good note.
With these eyelids smeared shut
I squint to ease the throbbing void
and color on the other side
I have been gone much too long
The people speak as if they swallowed microphones
The people ramble as if laundry lists were all the rage
Slumber short and sweet
Meant to be so good to me
The flares will do much damage
Unsheathed, untarnished pupils
I welcome the other side of dormant.
I’m very optimistic no one will find me here
here you can write a few things about sadness
and hissing cassette tapes
where the amber smiles reside
and tomorrow’s sunrise
had yet to meet us at the horizon
I write with certainty I won’t be found
I know this in my heart and slowing veins
I know because you have your own place
and you would rather remain there too
optimistic of your hidden sadness
that no one knows about and no one wants:
but don’t say too much, just in case.
7.23.16 Reborn (a story for a later date, photo by me).
I want to make art and create and collaborate once again. I took a little break. Enough’s enough.
That’s why Idlewind Collective is here:
To humanize the Other (and one another).
To allow me to make art and help you make art, if you’re a scribe with a dayjob in need of a nudge.
To give my friends an opportunity to showcase their work.
And other cool things we haven’t thought up yet.
Idlewind Collective, at this time, consists of a few great collaborator friends and myself. We want to give you art, and we want you to make art. No matter where you live, you deserve to have art enriching your life.
I want to do better. I want to get involved. Help my community in the only way I know how: by creating stories that speak of empathy and humanity and how to begin conversations about the things that hurt and divide us. I want my son to know I tried making a difference. And I want to make art again. Anyone sharing these ideals is more than welcome here.
I will be documenting my progress here. I hope you join me on this journey for as long as you wish. Or you can bail. Or come back. That’s cool too. We’ll see where this takes us.